WOMEN’S FORUM: Real love comes with happiness

02 May, 2020 - 15:05 0 Views
WOMEN’S FORUM: Real love comes with happiness


Nhlalwenhle Ncube 

IN the past few weeks relationships have been put to the test as life came to a halt. No businesses functioning to make money and if your relationship was all about money and not love, cat fights became the order of the day at your home. One of the lessons learnt is that love is crucial!

Some women used to say that you will rather be with someone who has money than where there is love because it cannot pay your bills and put food on the table. I wonder if even after this lockdown they will be saying the same thing. Because they are the same people entertaining us with their unending stories of complaining about their partners. It seems there is no connection at all with their partners as they complain about almost everything. I remember this other woman was even lambasted by others after sharing her problem on this other Facebook group. She did not even have a single good thing to say about her partner. It became obvious that she got into the relationship just for money.

Now being stuck with that person in the house turns her off, and she cannot pretend anymore.

Following what some women are posting about their partners, you begin to wonder whether good men still exist or it’s the women with problems.

In trying to understand all this, I joined a number of facebook groups where women discuss their problems. Of course some are not happy because they are in abusive relationships, but a number of women are not happy because they are not satisfied with what they have.

Every woman deserves to be happy and that can only be achieved if you get to know what you want in life. As I always mention, no one is perfect out there and all relationships have ups and downs. You must play your part well and do your best rather than to always consider jumping into another relationship.

We all know that our country’s economic environment is hectic. If you married someone because he had lots of money, you will find yourself in trouble because when he fails to maintain the standards, you will see him as a useless man. It is high time as women we tell each other and young ladies the truth that marriage is not only about money. As much as we want our sisters to get married to responsible men, they should consider a number of things and not only the financial muscle. It’s sad that even those who find loving and caring men who can even manage average lifestyle at times get carried away with men who offer them material things such as cars, expensive phones and clothes. Life is not about flamboyant lifestyles!

There is so much joy in being with someone whom you struggle together from step number one and make it in life together than that man you find with everything. You also become part of his property and in future when he is fed up with you, he is likely to remind you that you are nothing.

You will wish to turn back the hands of time and return to that man whom you dumped because he didn’t match up with the financial muscle of this other man. Though he had love for you, you just got carried away because you were clueless of what you wanted in life.

The mistakes you make when choosing a spouse has wrecked many lives and destroyed promising futures. The secret of successful women in marriages is being patient, knowing what they want in life, being steady and not jealous of other women’s lives.

Choosing a life partner is a complicated task. It can determine your perpetual state of happiness or unhappiness for many years. If you end up with a bad spouse, you will live in misery.

It is sad that as important as it is to choose a good spouse, people are still making mistakes consciously and subconsciously while making one of the biggest decisions of their life.

One of the mistakes people make while choosing life partners is not knowing what they want from a relationship. It can be hard to know what exactly you seek from a relationship when you haven’t been in many serious relationships and lack the experience to understand what you truly want from the relationship.

You must sit down and seriously think about it. I know this is one thing which many people believe just happens and they deal with it as it comes. It is not the right way to do it because you will be clueless and just confused. If you have no direction, you will find yourself being carried away all the time. This reminds me of this lady who was seeking advice and her story read, “I am a married woman and this other day when we were coming from church a certain man offered us a ride with my friends. He then asked for my number and we started communicating. We ended up in a relationship and sleeping together without protection. Now I am confused, what should I do as this man is also married but he is saying he loves me and is prepared to spend his life with me.”

This is what happens when you do not know what you want in life. Many real life stories have been shared and you wonder why some people act like kids when they are adults as they easily get carried away. In life, it is important to have values and know what you want. Marriage is not about his money, anything to do with sex… not entirely, but have more to do with connections of the heart and the mind, and how two people translate these in reality. Responsible women act smart all the time!

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