Nhlalwenhle Ncube
CONGRATULATIONS to all those who tied the knot during the festive period. May you find joy and peace in your new journey.
I have always realised that the first complaints will be about new family members (in-laws), the way they treat, talk to you and their expectations. It can really drive one crazy if not handled well. When the bride joins a new family, she expects to be loved by everyone which is not usually the case. When reality strikes, it gets so frustrating.
Please next time when your friend or sister is getting married, tell her the truth that she is not money to expect to be loved by all. This is one biggest truth, she won’t be loved by all and at the same time she will not manage to please all of them.
So you just got married and now you have got a whole second family. You have to be strong and adjust. Do not expect them to have the same characters with those of your siblings. Get ready for the transition period and the biggest weapons at your disposal are humbleness and patience. While the origin of humanity might stem from a single source, the truth of the matter is that, today, we are all different. We live different lives, have different beliefs, values, relationships, thoughts and emotions. We raise our children differently, think differently and behave differently on a number of levels. Although common threads might join people, we are all unique in our own little ways. And since we are all unique, with unique points of view and ways of doing things, oftentimes, we consider our own way as the right way of going about things. Because of that, it’s easy to understand why people are critical of others. So bear that in mind and understand that as a woman there is always that time when you find yourself at crossroads. Because you do things differently, that might be the reason why people disapprove of your decisions. That might be the reason why, no matter what you do, think or feel, someone will act dismayed or feel disgruntled by the very notion of your choices. How could they possibly think that way or say those things or behave in such a manner?
Clearly, you can’t please everyone. It’s downright impossible. From how you speak to your child, to what types of clothes you wear, what you do for work, the decisions you make on where and what to eat, spend your money and everything in between, someone is going to disapprove.
You absolutely shouldn’t try to please everyone all the time. It’s just not worth it. Not only will you begin to live your life according to someone else’s standards, but you will deplete yourself of any sense of happiness or enthusiasm. Do what makes you happy and what pleases you. As long as you are doing the right things with a good heart, that’s all that really matters.
It’s hard to stay on this course when you know that people are talking behind your back, or even in front of your face. People tend to enjoy saying things that hurt others. For one reason or another, it helps to elevate their egos and empower their bold personalities. It’s hard to turn the other cheek while people smite you on both sides. But you simply have to.
There are a number of reasons why it’s impossible to please everyone, and while this information might not completely alleviate your worries, reduce your stress, or eliminate all your fears for pursuing your dreams, it will hopefully allow you to come to the realisation that nobody will be completely pleased with your actions all the time. What’s important is that you do you. Don’t concern yourself with what others think you should do. Don’t allow that to impact the trajectory of your hopes and your dreams. Don’t allow that to diminish your spirit or change your direction of travel when it’s something that you’re deeply passionate about or have always wanted to do in your life.
Never give up on your hopes and your dreams just because you are trying to make others happy around you. To a certain extent, our family’s happiness is important. So is the happiness of our friends. But not beyond the extent that you start self-sacrificing all that you have ever wanted and hoped for in life.
As a new family member, know that everyone will always have an opinion no matter what. No matter what you do or how hard you try, people will always have an opinion about you. Often, it’s a negative opinion. They look at you with distaste and scorn. You can’t please those people no matter what you do. You can’t avoid them from talking and gossiping about you behind your back or even right in front of your face. And you shouldn’t bother trying either. Accept that there are such people and never waste time finding out what they say about you. Love them all and ignore gossip. Nothing will ever change the thoughts and minds of others that are steeped in negativity. Nothing you ever do can please them.
Most things are considered subjective. They are open to interpretation. There isn’t a set way of doing every single thing in life that’s always the right way. Because of that, people will differ in their opinions of just how to approach something. If you are not doing it their way, how can you expect to please them and everyone else for that matter? We are all the unique product of our own experiences. No two people are exactly alike, even twins might be completely identical, but their personalities are shaped differently. They are unique in their own special little ways. If two identical twins can be so different, how do you expect other people who are from different cultures and upbringings to be similar?
Since we are all unique products of our own experiences, and we all share different values and beliefs, we behave differently. Even someone you might think you know quite well might have a hidden value or belief that reveals itself when you do something that disobeys or runs in contrast to their particular thoughts.
People will always talk no matter what you decide to do. The nature of humanity is to talk. We talk about others in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. Gossip is quite possibly one of the worst ways to pass the time. There’s no sense in gossiping. If you are partaking in gossiping on a regular basis, then you are filling your life with negativity rather than positivity. It’s harder to push past the status quo when you live in the negative realm. Considering that people will always talk, there’s not much you can do to please those people. They will always find something about you to talk about. That’s just the nature of groups and clicks. They are almost cult-like in their nature. They feed off of negativity and seeing others hurt. But you simply have to ignore it. Develop thick skin and turn the other cheek.
Outcasts and scapegoats are a common theme throughout history.
All you need to know is that as a new member of the family, you are there with good motive. No matter what happens, you found your soulmate in their family and you are there to share your love. Ignore negatives and concentrate on growth!
