NOWADAYS some people are living their lives on social media and they post updates on everything they are up to and the only part left to post is when they are in the toilet. But there are some posts which then affect your life in a negative way especially marriage or relationship. I just want to remind you to think twice before taking your marital problems to the public forum.
When you embarrass or shout at your husband on social media, does it solve your problems or make it worse? If you ask those who have done it before they will definitely tell you that it never solved their problems but made it worse.
There is a place for venting out anger in any relationship, but that place is not Facebook, Twitter, or any other form of social media. If you air your dirty laundry in an open and general forum, you will only hurt your marriage and destroy any sense of trust that may still remain between you and your partner.
There will no longer be trust, respect and love for each other gets affected. Venting is intensely personal. It’s not about broadcasting your negative thoughts to a general audience. Instead, it’s a method of de-briefing with intimate supporters whom you trust. It should be done with one or two people who understand your situation and who have some kind of personal interest in the emotions you are expressing.
The purpose is to get your feelings out in the open so that you can take a second look at them, view them more impersonally and evaluate them. This is an important part of the process of communicating with loved ones, setting and re-adjusting goals and making necessary changes.
We all need to “vent” once in a while, both for our own sake and for the sake of those who are closest to us. But this should only be done in a private setting with a trusted confidant. Doing it in a public forum is a wrong turn. Some people just because it has been said that you have to take out what’s bothering you then decide to do it on wrong platforms.
Venting is a private matter and interactions via social media, on the other hand, are public. Some tend to think of a Facebook posting as something that stays between “friends.”
In actuality, this kind of communication is relatively open-ended. Whether you realise it or not, it has the potential to reach a much wider audience than you may have intended in a very short time. Once you have put something “out there,” you have no way of controlling the forwards and second-postings by “friends” and “friends of friends.”
A good rule of thumb is, “Don’t post anything on social media that you wouldn’t want to see printed on the front page of B-Metro or UMthunywa. To make it even worse, you will then manage to solve your problems, but the world will still be saying ‘that couple’ and talking about your past which you do not want to hear. Never take your marital problems online! Marital frustrations are something you should discuss with your spouse, not a wide circle of friends and acquaintances.
If the two of you find it difficult to communicate, seek out a trusted marriage counsellor who can help you work through your issues.
If you have a burning desire to let someone else know what’s going on, open your heart to a pastor or a close friend.
Don’t make yourself vulnerable with anyone but a person you know you can trust.
As for your social media “friends” you can let them know that you need prayer without discussing much details, that’s as much information as they require.
It is always advisable to improve your communication skills with your partner. If you know to communicate well with him, you will definitely not take your family issues out to the world.
If there is something which did not go down well or you want to ask, you will not rush to post on Facebook or Twitter but approach and tell him.
Learn not to bottle up issues or sweep them under the carpet because when they become too much to handle, social media seems to become the right place to put them.
It’s not just about what you say and how you say it, but also where and when. Sometimes, it’s useful to plan to have a discussion at a specific time and place.There are a few benefits to this.
When you set time aside, it means you are able to give the conversation your full attention and are not trying to fit it in before doing something else like going out or going to bed.
If you were trying to have an important business meeting, you wouldn’t try to fit it in while walking down the corridor, so the same must apply in relationship issues, set special time and place to make peace and grow. Also, changing location can mean changing your thinking.
If you have been arguing a lot at home, you might associate the space with the same patterns. Going somewhere else or even doing something else while you talk, can help shift you into a different mindset.People tend to assume that communication is all about making yourself heard but this is really only half of it. It’s also just as important that you are hearing each other.
Always remember that communication is a skill and it takes practice to get good at it. If you want to develop your ability to communicate as a couple, you will need to build positive habits into the way you talk and make a real effort to stick to them. Social media is not the right place to build a home!
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