Sorry, you lose nothing

25 Oct, 2019 - 00:10 0 Views
Sorry, you lose nothing

B-Metro

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

SOME women lost out because of pride and failing to say SORRY. I fail to understand why someone will risk losing a lot when she can fix things by being humble and accepting that she messed up.

Maybe if we are to check well, the missing link is humility. As women try to fight abuse, some miss it and invite trouble for themselves. It is a good thing to stand your ground, but make sure you still maintain good wife qualities. That is being humble, loving, caring, forgiving and strong. You must be able to freely express your feelings and if you are the one on the wrong side, apologise.

Gone are the days when we used to have men who also went an extra mile to get things fixed or apologised despite knowing they had not done anything bad. Nowadays it’s all about equality and everyone must own up for her deeds. Divorce is no longer filed by women only, but men got guts to do it. So when you are wrong, learn to apologise and fix things.

Many people have complicated feelings about apologies. Some people feel ashamed by apologising while for others it’s a no-go area. However, statistics have it that not apologising in a relationship is a sure way to risk losing it.

Apologising is really important and plays a big role in maintaining relationships. If it wasn’t for it, only a few relationships would have survived for a long time.  Everyone messes up and all that is needed is a sincere apology. Apologising when you have broken a rule of social conduct —from cutting in line to breaking the law — re-establishes that you know what the “rules” are and you agree that they should be upheld. This allows others to feel safe knowing you agree that hurtful behaviour isn’t OK.

Apologies re-establish dignity for those you hurt. Letting your partner know that you know it was your fault, not theirs, helps them feel better and it helps them save face. Apologising helps repair relationships by getting people talking again, and makes them feel comfortable with each other again. Because of pride, some women not wanting to say sorry, you find a couple going for months without talking to each other. During such time, they become distant and each one of them starts entertaining evil thoughts.

Not known by many, a sincere apology allows you to let your partner know that you are not proud of what you did and won’t be repeating the behaviour. But being quiet about the issue, makes it appear as if you are happy or planned the bad actions. Let it be obvious that you are the kind of person who is generally careful not to hurt others and puts the focus on your better virtues, rather than on your worst mistakes.

Relationships can be great sources of stress relief, but conflict can cause considerable stress, which really takes a toll. Learn the art of apologising effectively and you may find a significant reduction in the negative effects of conflict and relationship stress because apologies help put the conflict behind you and you move on more easily. There are many benefits that come from apologising and forgiveness, some of which are happiness and stress relief. In these ways, being adept at apologising makes the relationship stronger and reduces conflicts. l know for some people apologising feels like an admission that they are inadequate — that, rather than having made a mistake, there is something inherently wrong with them. Others believe that offering the first apology after an argument is an admission of guilt and responsibility for the entirety of a conflict that involved wrongs on the part of both parties; they think an apology from them will allow the other person to take no responsibility for their own part in the conflict.

However, in the right circumstances, a well-delivered, appropriately sincere apology will generally avoid all of these issues and will merely serve to usher in a resolution, reaffirm shared values and restore positive feelings. You just have to know when and how to deliver your apology.

If something you have done has caused pain for another person, it’s a good idea to apologise, even if whatever you did was unintentional. This is because apologising opens up the doors to communication, which allows you to reconnect with the person who was hurt. It also allows you to express regret that they have been hurt, which lets them know you really care about their feelings; this can help them feel safer with you again.

Also, apologising allows you to discuss what the “rules” should be in the future, especially if a new one needs to be made, which is often the case when you didn’t hurt the other person intentionally. Basically, if you care about the other person and the relationship, and you can avoid offending behaviour in the future, an apology is usually a good idea. Taking responsibility also means specifying what you did that you believe was wrong, but can entail gently mentioning what you believe was not wrong on your part. In this way, you protect yourself from the feeling that if you are the first to apologise, you are taking responsibility for the whole conflict, or for the bulk of it.

It is important to note that apologies that involve empty promises are a bad idea. One of the important functions of an apology is that it affords the opportunity to re-establish trust; resolving not to repeat the offending behaviour or to make whatever change is possible is an important part of an apology. If you promise to change but then don’t, the apology merely calls attention to the fact that you have done something even if you agree is wrong, but refuse to change.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, but do try to make reasonable promises to avoid hurting the person in the future and follow through on those promises.

An insincere apology can often do more damage than no apology at all. Swallow your pride and do it sincerely so you maintain a healthy relationship. You lose nothing by apologising, but if you don’t you might live to regret and it can haunt you for the rest of your life.

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