Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IT’S that time of the year when people get to meet their long lost “friends”. I mean those ones who always leave you confused on where you stand in your relationship. Yes, during the festive season there is lot of confusion and changes in relationships.
Unfortunately women seem to be the most affected. A number of women will be in confusion bays. There is that one man who just left things hanging with you and whenever he comes home for festive holidays, it appears as if you are still together and things are normal. When you are still trying to figure out what’s happening, you find yourself in between the sheets with him. Unfortunately many women take this as confirmation of love. My sister, sex is not love, he can just be using you. Be careful.
This time around considering the economic situation, the January headache will be too much, so no one will have time to comfort the reckless ones after being used by men from beyond the borders.
It’s not a secret that some will just come and have sex with some women. We are tired of hearing the story that I thought he loved me because we even made love. No, he never made love to you, it was just sex. These two are different and you should be wise enough to separate the two, though, admittedly, sometimes the line can get a little blurry.
Of course when you are in a loving, committed relationship, there is no excuse for not making love as it can make you feel more connected to your partner.
So, what exactly is the difference between making love and having sex? When making love, climaxing is important, but the primary motivation is to connect on an emotional level with your partner. Making love can mean taking delight in exploring your partner’s body, mind and heart, not just because you are trying to have an orgasm, but because you are trying to share a seriously intimate connection with them. You will know you are making love when you are super into the things this person does to your body: the way they kiss, their smell, their sexual technique. You have chemistry and things are hot. It means there is a spark. Everything sort of works.
Making love might take hours and you may even decide the orgasm wasn’t your goal. It’s all about deepening your connection and growing your love.
The communication is different when you are having sex. Even if you aren’t a fan of dirty talk, the communication during sex can pertain to who is about to have an orgasm, when and how hard. When you are making love, though, this can change. It’s not that dirty talk isn’t possible when making love, but you may choose to incorporate more loving, emotional words. Making love can give couples the ability to be very open with each other, as well as the perfect space for talking about how much they love each other.
The choice of words can make the difference between an amazing sexual experience and dirty talk that sounds like a bad porno script.
When having sex, even if you are sometimes open to trying new things, you may not normally consider more than finishing and feeling good.
With making love, however, this can differ. Couples making love are often extremely emotionally vulnerable to the point that tears can flow.
Be wise and be able to tell whether he is only in it for the sex or if he is actually making love to you and genuinely cares about you. My sister, if he is showing signs of being nervous or scared, he’s actually making love to you. He could be nervous or scared for a number of reasons. He may be nervous about what you think of him or him not living up to what he thinks you expect. That means he cares about what you think and it is actually important to him. This is a sure sign he is making love to you. Another reason could be that he is scared he is going to mess up in some way. He is looking for things to be perfect, which means he is looking to make love with you.
During the adult game there must be eye contact. Eye contact says he is looking for your reactions, he wants to know if you are bored, excited, in pain, or loving what he is doing. He cares about how you are doing. At the same time, he enjoys looking deep into your eyes while making love with you. You know for sure he looks into your eyes in a loving way when you are having sex if he compliments you on your eyes outside of the bedroom. He likes the way your eyes look and this is an aspect he focuses on during sex. If he were just in the relationship for the sex, he would rather avoid eye contact or focus mainly on sexual parts of you by constantly complimenting you on your breasts and paying more attention down there.
During sex, the difference between a casual one and making love is in a kiss. Kissing is often considered too intimate for something casual and no personal connections. If the man in your life is avoiding intimate affection such as kissing (on the lips, kissing your cheek, etc.), then he may not see sex as making love. This is a man who just wants something casual. A man who is making love to you will kiss you. He will kiss your lips, your cheek, your back, your neck, your ear, and your forehead — anything to show you he cares about you. A kiss means a lot, never underestimate it.
After the game, he must spend time warming you up. A man that is making love to you is not going just to hit it and quit it. He wants to spend time with you, before and after. When you are done, it means something to him if he opens his arms to you to cuddle up with him. If he immediately gets out of bed to take a shower or get dressed, then he was doing it simply to get off and not to make love. Part of a great love-making session is cuddling and sleeping next to each other afterward.
Everyone deserves to be in sexual relationships in which they feel confident, secure and satisfied. Sex is a form of intimacy, so it’s important to feel that intimacy is reciprocal. It should at least feel like contentment or excitement with your sex life.
