Respect, respect

08 Nov, 2019 - 00:11 0 Views
Respect, respect


Nhlalwenhle Ncube

IN marriage, husbands and wives should respect one another, treat one another with love and patience and make sure they are on the same page on issues that may crop up to test their commitment to each other.

It’s funny that whenever disrespecting each other is mentioned, people quickly look at women as the guilty party. It seems that’s the popular women sin while for men it is lying and cheating.

If there is one thing men want in a relationship and from all the advice you are given after marriage, they get it well that they have to be respected. Maybe it’s because the issue of disrespect also affects their ego. Truth be told, every human being deserves to be respected. Even children deserve some respect. You cannot be disrespecting your partner and expect him to respect you for treating him like trash. That’s not the way things work.

Sadly for some people, they disrespect their partners without knowing. Be careful with the way you talk, choice of words and how you treat him. If you are disrespecting your husband, you are destroying your own marriage. You are teaching him how to shut you out of his heart and life. He may stay with you just to keep up appearances of staying married but his heart will no longer be with you.

Men and women who are fond of reminding their spouses of their past failures and mistakes are disrespecting them. If something happened in the past that has been dealt with and forgotten, keep it there. Stop resurrecting your spouses’ past mistakes and failures just to get back at them. That’s not fair.

Everybody has a past. Every human being has failed or made mistakes at one point in their lives, so stop using your spouses’ past against them. Let go of things that have already been worked through and settled. If there are unresolved issues that were never dealt with, take steps to resolve them with your spouse and move on.

When you expect your spouse to be like your friends, you are disrespecting him. Your spouse may not communicate with you like your best friend or want to know the complete story you want to tell down to the very last detail like you do with your bestie, but that doesn’t mean you should resort to name calling and insults.

Appreciate your spouse for who he is and learn how to dwell in peace with the person you have chosen among many to spend the rest of your life with. If you feel they are lacking in the area of communication and spending quality time with you, let them know.

Your spouse is not a mind reader. If you don’t tell him what you are feeling and what is going on with you, how will he know? This is one of the areas people disrespect their spouses. Expecting the man you married to guess what is eating you up is disrespectful. Even those married to prophets, they have to tell them if something is bothering them. By expecting him to read your mind, you are putting that person in a difficult position of trying to guess what is going on with you. If you have something to say to your spouse, say it out.  If you want something from them that they can give you at that time, let them know. Don’t play mind games where you are thinking, if he really loved me, I wouldn’t have to tell him that I want him to give me money or if he really cares he would pay more attention. 

If you respect your spouse, you will communicate openly with them. You won’t expect him to read your mind and mood to know what’s wrong with you. Your husband will be so grateful if you will ditch the mind-reading game and just have some honest and gracious communication.

You should know that your husband is not your child. Stop treating him like a child. Your spouse doesn’t need you to continue mothering or fathering them like their parents did. So, treat your spouse like an adult that they are. If you are unhappy about their behaviour or attitude, let them know about your feelings immediately. At times you feel ashamed with the way some women speak to their husbands. Men don’t think like women do. They are not good at multitasking like women are. In some cases, they are not as organised like women and tend to mess up things. Women should do away with the idea of addressing their husbands like they raise children. When you talk to your husband with the same tone you use with your children, it’s disrespectful.

Correcting or criticising your spouse in public is one of the ways to disrespect them. You don’t do that and expect to have a peaceful marriage. What examples are you setting for outsiders concerning how they should treat your spouse?

When you point out your spouse’s faults, criticise, or correct them in public they feel stupid in front of others — and that’s demeaning. It is especially bad when you do this in front of your children. Would you want the same behaviour from them? The answer is no. So, when next you are tempted to do that, put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.

You disrespect your spouse when you resort to the silent treatment instead of talking about what is hurting you. Whenever you use the silent treatment to manipulate your spouse, it harms both of you. The silent treatment is a hostile punishment tool. Don’t make things more difficult by clamming up or stuffing your anger. If you are hurt or angry, talk it out. Be honest in your communication and remember that your husband is your other half not your enemy. Silent treatment is a form of abuse. It is as harmful as it is evil. Withholding sex from your spouse is bad for your marriage. The gift of sexual intimacy is an expression of love. It’s a physical demonstration of unity. Don’t withhold yourself to punish your spouse and don’t use your intimacy as a bribing technique either. If you truly love your spouse and respect them as your life partner, you won’t use sex as punishment or a bargaining tool to get what you want. 

Sex is also not dirty. Men and women should stop forming holiness with their spouses. Enjoy sex with that person you married and rid your marriage from sexual frustration. If sex is good, many things will be made right. It unites couples in unimaginable ways.

Flirting with other men is very disrespectful. When you lie to that man whom you have sworn to love and cherish till death do you part, you have disrespected him. He deserves to know the truth and anything otherwise is disrespectful. Cheating on him is also a huge betrayal of trust and you also disrespect him when you cheat.

Treat your husband the way you want to be treated. Love and respect him and your marriage will be heaven on earth. Even with the 50/ 50 thing, you still have to respect each other for your marriage to survive.

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