Nhlalwenhle Ncube
MOST times when things do not go right in a relationship, one party always blames the other, it becomes a blame game. As a woman, try to give it your best so that you do not jump from one relationship to another.
Worse nowadays, most people are beginning to subscribe to the ideology that real relationships or marriage are now a thing of the past. It has ceased existing. But before falling for that as well, try to behave and give it your best.
Women are blaming men for being irresponsible and fearing commitment while on the other hand men are saying there are no more wife material but only knives out there. As a woman, minimise on negativity. Men enjoy giving women compliments and making them feel good about themselves. When he looks you in the eye and tells you how beautiful you are, do not brush off these compliments as if they are meaningless or reply with “no, I look terrible today” or something to that effect, it takes away the enjoyment of giving you compliments. Of course women do not always feel beautiful and may be uncomfortable accepting a compliment, but a simple “thank you” with a smile will likely make both of you feel better.
Stop being too needy. Men want to be wanted, they want to feel desired and that a woman is attracted to him. Not sure what neediness looks like? Being over-protective or jealous of any time not spent with you, needing to constantly be validated by him (which only shows him that you require validation from others and are not able to find it within you) or essentially revolving your entire life around him — showing a lack of independence which he likely desires you to have.
There are also those kind of women who complain about everything, they go overboard and are not good company at all. Complaining about family members, complaining about someone at work, complaining about almost everything just to complain about it. It’s natural to complain. Not everything can be great all of the time and complaining is often a way to remedy a situation — but when it is done excessively or causes unnecessary tension or stress, then it needs to be acknowledged and worked on.
Then there are those who think they are too smart and intelligent, they are too analytical.
This is another habit that push men away. A man can say or do something without much thought, whereas a woman will spend hours discussing the nuances in said statement. Too much analysing can drive a man away as it can appear obsessive. If he didn’t text you as often as he did yesterday, just go with it. Don’t assume it means anything since it most likely doesn’t!
Drama Queens: I think we all know our share of drama queens and drama kings. While they might be entertaining to observe in action every now and then, it’s a totally different story. This means having no qualms about showing up at his workplace unannounced and causing a scene or having a very public meltdown. If the two of you have issues that need to be worked out, work it out behind-the-scenes. There’s no need to jeopardise someone’s job or safety in order to get your point across.
The habit of “creating” your own person by changing him. Trying to change someone is not the basis for a long-lasting, healthy partnership. Although you can help bring out the best in someone, trying to change a person to become the person you want is a sure way to push him away from you. Again, there’s nothing wrong with helping and encouraging someone to aim higher, but nagging and criticising someone for not living up to your expectations is sure to drive a man away!
Please do not hurry things up. Too much, too soon, getting too clingy or emotional too soon is another one of the things women do to push men away. We know you are excited about your partner, your future together, but that doesn’t mean telling him you can’t live without him on your third date! Any statements referring to undying love and life-long commitments should be saved for when the relationship has matured to that level and the feelings are mutual.
As excited as you might be, strong statements such as these can easily be misconstrued like you are very clingy and needy.
Stop looking for problems because you are afraid of rejection and prematurely decide that it’s not going to work out, you will probably get what you want. If you start going through his emails, texts and social media activity looking for signs that he’s cheating or hiding something, you are bound to find things you won’t like. This doesn’t mean he’s doing anything wrong, but if you see him conversing with an unknown female online and even if the conversation is totally innocent, you are already assuming the worst so it can come across as something dishonest.
Living in the past and being possessed with your ex-lover drives men away. If you frequently bring up your exes or aspects of your past relationships, it could easily drive a man away. Sometimes exes or past relationships come up unintentionally, but make sure you are not sharing intimate details. I don’t know any women who would be happy hearing about her partner’s exes or about in-depth facts about past relationships, do you? Doing so can come across like you are living in the past and not genuinely ready or interested in moving on. So sisters, what do you think of these things that drive a man away? Being in a relationship can be very hard and of course men are guilty of committing the same relationship crimes as women. Remember no one is perfect, everyone has to work hard for a healthy relationship.
