Parenting now a difficult task

03 May, 2019 - 00:05 0 Views
Parenting now a difficult task


Nhlalwenhle Ncube

THE rate at which children are committing suicide nowadays is really disturbing and one wonders where this bad spirit is coming from. 

At times we are made to believe that it just doesn’t happen, but it will be rooted in the family history. But when you check what’s happening now, that is not 100 percent true. 

Some will even say, parents are not playing their roles well, but it’s not true as well because some children commit suicide after being reprimanded. 

Most mothers want their children to grow up, to love and be loved, to follow their dreams and to be successful. It is so frustrating to see one of your angels cutting his or her living days short. And to make it worse, they mostly do the unthinkable when you least expect it. 

Research has it that happy, optimistic children are the product of happy, optimistic homes, regardless of genetic make-up. Mothers have to create the atmosphere where their children’s happiness will flourish.

One has to foster loving connections and by so doing you will promote your child’s lifelong emotional well-being and help him feel connected to you and other family members. 

On the other hand, do not try to make your child happy. It sounds counter-intuitive, but the best thing you can do for your child’s long-term happiness may be to stop trying to keep her happy in the short-term. If you put your children in a bubble and grant them their every wish and desire, that is what they grow to expect, but the real world doesn’t work that way.

When things do not go their way as expected, some see suicide as a getaway. Just think of those 20 students who commited suicide because they had failed exams. Sad, children must know they can’t have everything their way. 

While in keeping them in check, nurture your own happiness. While you can’t control your children’s happiness, you are responsible for your own. 

And because children absorb everything from you, your moods matter. 

Happy parents are likely to have happy children, while children of depressed parents suffer twice the average rate of depression. 

One of the best things you can do for your child’s emotional well-being is to attend to yours: carve out time for rest, relaxation, and, perhaps most important, romance. Nurture your relationship with your spouse. When there is joy at home, you also have stress-free children. 

Praise the right stuff, self-esteem and happiness go hand in hand. Your children can’t have one without the other. It’s something we know intuitively and it turns many of us into overzealous cheerleaders. 

The danger, if this is the only kind of praise a child hears, is that he will think he needs to achieve to win your approval. 

He will become afraid that if he doesn’t succeed, he will fall off the pedestal and his parents won’t love him anymore.

Praising specific traits —intelligence, prettiness, athleticism — can also undermine children’s confidence later, if they grow up believing they’re valued for something that’s out of their control and potentially fleeting. 

Even when they do not make it, always encourage them, letting them know there is always a next time. 

If you really want to bolster your children’s self-esteem, focus less on compliments and more on providing them with ample opportunities to learn new skills. 

Your challenge is to stand back and let your children do for themselves what they are capable of. The great mistake good parents make is doing too much for their children.

While it can be difficult to watch your children struggle, they will never know the thrill of mastery unless you allow them to risk failure. 

Few skills are perfected on a first try. It’s through practice that children achieve mastery. And through repeated experiences of mastery, they develop the can-do attitude that lets them approach future challenges with the zest and optimism that are central to a happy life.

Let the children know that despite whatever they are going through in life, committing suicide is not the solution, but they must have a fighting spirit. 

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