No to the slave tag, be free

08 Jan, 2021 - 00:01 0 Views
No to the slave tag, be free


Nhlalwenhle Ncube

HAPPINESS is what matters most in every woman’s life. Even if one was made to choose between a rich man who abuses her every day and a poor man who keeps a smile on her face, many will go for the second one. Without giving it much thought, one will say I need money, but when reality strikes, money is nothing — that is the reason we witness some women dumping their mansions because there is no love and happiness.

To feel free in a relationship is a wonderful thing. If you do not feel like a little child when you are with your partner, you are in bondage. Never starve yourself of happiness and freedom in your life. If your partner is too controlling and selfish, that makes you his ‘goblin’ that he just orders around and has got no say in anything.

It is not healthy at all and no woman deserves such treatment.

It’s sad that there are women who have been forced to forget themselves. Getting married and changing your surname does not mean you are now his slave. There are some women who are not allowed to dress the way they like, to have visitors or socialise with others because of their husband’s strong arm.

They have been banned! Though they have begged, cried, prayed and even threatened to leave nothing has changed. They have got such ruthless masters who want things done their way all the time.

Being married to such a person leaves you heartbroken and I do not know how one can survive in such a toxic relationship. It is sad that some women are not free in their relationships and marriages. The worst thing is that they are not doing anything about it other than complain, whine, cry, complain and whine some more. I do not know how they are still managing to have sex with men who treat them like slaves and continue having children for them.

How can a woman be in a relationship or marriage where she is not free? How do women stay with men when they are not free to be themselves around? How can a wife not be free to live her life, make decisions regarding her own family because of one man she had the misfortune of marrying?

To feel free in a relationship is a wonderful thing. If you do not feel like a little child when you are with your partner, you are in bondage. If you cannot tease your man, laugh with him, play with him and be free with him, you are not in a relationship, just wear your slave tag in peace.

If you do not contribute to issues when they arise at home or your man takes decisions regarding your life, children and family without consulting you, you are in bondage. You should not give a human being like you so much power to control your life like that.

If you can be yourself around your husband without being afraid, then you can proudly say you are a wife. That’s how you should feel. You can be judged and criticised by the rest of the world, but feel peace around your partner.

Nothing beats the feeling of being completely free with your man.

As a wife, if you can wear whatever you are comfortable with, you are free in your marriage. You don’t dress like his mother in the village because he doesn’t want other men to look at you.

You know some women who would never dare wear the things you wear around their husbands, but you wear it happily around your husband because he likes to see you happy. If you can’t say that other men are handsome when you are with your man, you are not free in your relationship.

One of the signs you are free to be yourself around your man is being able to point out cute men. Simply acknowledging that other men are attractive doesn’t threaten your relationship because your man knows he’s your number one.

Being free in your relationship means walking up to your man and telling him that you want to have sex. Some women are dying from sexual urges because they can’t tell their husband that they want to have sex and enjoy the thrills of orgasm. Telling their husbands that they desire them sexually will earn them horrible names.

It is heartbreaking that some men believe that they are the only ones who deserve to ask for sex. Such archaic men only have sex when they want it. They don’t care about their wives or how they feel or what they want. It is funny that when some women want sex, they will start beating around the bush.

If you don’t feel entirely secure in revealing your sexual appetite at any given time to the man you are married to, you are in bondage not marriage. Telling your husband that you desire to make love to him is one of the beautiful ways your sex life improves in a long-term relationship.

Many women in marriage are always fearful because of what their husbands would do when they do what they want to do.

They are always worried about getting into trouble like children who are still living with their parents. I pity these women. How can an adult live this way and still claim they are married? When you are married to a man you should be free to be yourself, you never worry about being needy.

You feel free to be needy. You have no problem calling him and saying, “Come home I’m lonely.” Some women can’t even ask their husbands when they are coming home. These women live like prisoners because they erroneously believe that bondage is synonymous with being married.

Women who are free in their relationships claim affection from their men whenever they want it. They don’t beg for they will just lie down on their partner’s lap, obstructing his view of the television and all. They can hug and kiss their men without being afraid of being shunned or slapped.

That is what it means to be in a sane relationship. They don’t cower in fear when they see their men. If you cannot tell your husband when he’s being downright annoying, why are you pretending to be in a marriage? If you cannot point out things your man is doing wrong because you are afraid he might beat you or send you packing, you are a bloody slave. Stop claiming you are a married woman.

Women in good relationships and marriages take healthy risks in life, in career, business and in their social lives.

They are bold to get more education, go for trainings and attend events that will improve their lives. They are upwardly mobile because their men are cheering them on.

If your husband stopped you from working because he doesn’t want you to be richer than him or he shut down your business because he’s jealous of your progress, you are in a bad relationship. If your man doesn’t want you to improve yourself since you married him, you are not free in your relationship. I pity you.

It is sad that some women explain away this insecure behaviour of their men by claiming they are being submissive.

Submission is not foolishness and it is not leaving your destiny in the hands of someone who doesn’t wish you well. If a man is not adding value to your life, why are you calling him your man?

Many married women only have peace when their husbands are out of the house. The only time they have peace is when these men have gone to work or to their business place. That is the only time they can breathe well and be free to be themselves.

But when the man comes back home, they return to being deaf and dumb wives. They don’t speak until they are spoken to. These women don’t question their husband’s shady and irresponsible behaviour. They are just there like a piece of furniture and yet they still have the nerve to hound single ladies to go and get married.

No woman deserves to be in a relationship or marriage where she is not free, that’s modern day bondage. Women wake up and be wise, your happiness comes first and it should be who you are. No apologies when someone is playing around with your freedom and happiness.

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