Hazel Marimbiza
Married men are sexually abused by their wives but fear speaking out because society does not take the abuse of men seriously, an organisation against abuse has revealed.
Alois Nyamazana, co-founder of Fathers Against Abuse, said according to their own analysis cases of sexual abuse against men in marriage were there but they appeared as if they were not there because they were hardly reported.
“There is a case I came across whereby a woman was hyper sexually active and so her husband ended up being sexually abused because she would follow him to work just to have sex. He had no choice but to end up sharing his predicament.
“There are also some women who use sexual enhancement drugs and that ends up putting pressure on the men to deliver sexually,” said Nyamazana.
While sexual problems faced by women have been discussed and continue to be discussed, the abuse of the male child has been overlooked, unrecognised and under-reported, highlighted Nyamazana.
He said a lot of factors prevent men from speaking out on the sexual abuse they face.
“Firstly it’s our historical background where the boy child is regarded as someone who cannot undergo abuse. And also in our patriarchal society if a boy child is sexually abused, it’s just normalised. There is also just shame and stigma attached to the boy child and men who are sexually abused.
“Also, sexual abuse against men and boys is normally just described as aggravated assault by the law but if a girl or woman has been abused it’s called rape. And it you talk to lawyers they will tell you it’s just the same thing but our argument is that why can’t we standardise the terms for starters. If a man is raped instead of saying indecent assault why don’t we just say it’s rape because the terms used to describe men who have been raped lessen the weight of the case,” said Nyamazana.
He added that when men are raped people tend to ask how he penetrated though reality on the ground was that having an erection did not necessarily mean a man has consented to sex.
A snap survey carried out in Bulawayo streets revealed that indeed men were being sexually abused but they just kept quiet.
“Yes it’s true we do suffer sexual abuse at times, but it’s easier to keep quiet so that you don’t destroy your marriage. As men we grew up being taught that men ought to be strong and we were told men are not allowed to talk a lot about issues.
“Even this issue of sex we just do quietly because these women will start asking you why you married them, why you made them leave their parents’ home. So to us men it’s just normal to keep quiet even if we are abused,” said a man who preferred anonymity.
He added: “We also get beaten by our wives but we don’t say a word. It’s terrible, very terrible. It’s like you are living with a fire in the house, because everyday you just get burnt.”
Meanwhile, Nyamazana said more action was needed to create an environment that enables men to speak out against sexual abuse.
“What we also want is standardisation of the law and we are continuously working with Parliament to make sure the law is standardised,” added Nyamazana.
