Nhlalwenhle Ncube
I LOVE YOU!
Some women, whenever they hear these three words, go crazy and jump into a relationship. It is unfortunate that there are some people who still think that love comes first, then a relationship blossoms and then if the sparks are still there and both parties want to spend the rest of their lives together, they get married.
This is where many people get it wrong. They think that marriage is permanent because there is love. Love is not enough to keep a marriage. The earlier women know this, the better for them.
Couples should know that happily ever after is a farce if they don’t put in some work to keep their relationship going. Love doesn’t insulate people from life’s challenges but it helps couples deal with life’s sudden realities better.
The women who get carried away because of those three words are the ones who after being disappointed begin to tell us that love does not exist. No, it does, only that it does not survive on its own, it needs back-up.
Even though it is advisable to marry someone you are compatible with, marriage is hard work. To keep the happy connection that made you say “I do” in the first place or maybe even create an improved version you need some tips on how to rehab your romance.
Sisters, have sex. Have some sex and have more of it without starving each other. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. Sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your partner.
Do not make your man to rush in and out of you as if he is an evil spirit. That tendency of ordering him to do it quickly because you want to sleep is bad manners. He should take time and work on the body, preparing it for the sexual encounter. No selfish partner, but both parties should reach the big O.
It is important to bear in mind that marriage is about giving, but don’t make the mistake of giving too much. Don’t continue giving to someone who is not giving something back to you. You will end up angry and resentful.
To have a good marriage, learn how to prioritise and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and happy. The fact that you are married doesn’t mean your life should end, also go out with your friends and do activities which will add value to the family like cooking. Stop running after your husbands like hunters because you don’t have a life outside your marriage.
In other words, remember that spending time alone and with your friends, no matter how busy you are is not selfish, it’s a necessity. It will strengthen your relationship because you will benefit one or two tips.
Also take some time to figure out which parts work and which parts don’t. Create a plan of how you might get from your current reality to that perfect place. Then start breaking down the issues into small pieces and tackling them one at a time with your spouse. Before you know it, there will only be a few little problems left.
Money is one of the biggest stressors in marriage. Couples worry and argue about it constantly. If you and your spouse are always fighting about money, you need to stop, take a step back and plan your financial future together.
Of course, women are the finance ministers at home, but involve your partner in planning and then approve it. Whatever the decision, both parties have to be part of the decision and then figure out what needs to be done. This way there won’t be blame game.
Also take your fighting gloves off. Fight less and love more even though it’s hard to do sometimes, especially when there are serious issues to thrash out. The next time you have a spousal spat going badly, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.
As a woman, learn to burn grudges and set some bad memories on fire. Sometimes, hanging on to those “Do you remember the time you did such and such?” moments are the things that lead to relationship sabotage. Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them. Holding on to past hurts destroys marriages, avoid doing that.
Look back at the years you have known your spouse. When did he or she make you laugh? When did he or she make you cry tears of joy? When did he or she surprise you? Tell your spouse how you are lucky to have them in your life and how happy they make you feel.
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