ACCORDING to scientists, the love and passion chemistry lasts about two years. Some have chosen to call it the honeymoon phase, thereafter the two parties then return to the real world where they are no longer blinded by love.
This is the time when love cools to room temperature and it’s the time to work hard to sustain it.
It is important for each person to be ready for this time whenever they get committed to someone or tie the knot.
Have it in your mind that it will not always be rosy. There will come a day when someone will not be in the mood for sex, talking, listening and playing games with you. Are you ready for such or you are that kind of person that when love has cooled to room temperature, you decide to move out. Every relationship reaches the point where that person you were convinced you couldn’t live without becomes the person you live with. That’s when you really find out if you married the right person.
Of course there are important aspects of relationships such as physical attraction, intimacy, trust and so on. But you need to make sure that you support each other in everything, including making your dreams come true. Make sure that your love does not only last two years by having each other’s back always and being friends.
When your partner is your friend, you only have to think about what you want to say, not how you need to say it.
Choosing words carefully in order to frame an idea, suggestion, feedback or constructive criticism is right in professional or personal settings but when you are with your partner you must be free and not be afraid of being judged in a harsh way. You must not struggle in sharing your thoughts, just say it, because you know they will understand. When you have bad news, your spouse is the first person you want to tell, not the person you most dread telling.
When good things happen, plenty of people can’t wait to tell their partners. You must have such a relationship where you know he will listen, commiserate, empathise and give advice if need be without judging or making you feel uncomfortable.
For a couple to last longer together, never expect another party to change overnight. Everyone has one or two bad habits and no one can change overnight. You have to be patient with each other and continue encouraging one another to work hard for change. Never ever discuss your partner’s weaknesses with friends, because they might poison your mind even more and see him as the biggest mistake in your life. Better talk about the cool things he does and you will realise it contributes positively to your relationship.
We all know people who openly badmouth their significant others, complaining about what their partner does (or doesn’t do), criticising their partner’s decisions, questioning their partner’s judgment or manners, or it’s almost as if they wear their partner’s failings like a badge of honour. When you love and respect the person you are with, you don’t gossip about their personal failings. You talk about their great qualities because you are happy for them which is also a sign you are happy with yourself. The best is not to say anything at all, unless asked, because quiet pride is the best pride of all!
The right person knows enough about your work, your goals, your dreams and the kind of person you want to be to offer ideas you haven’t considered. And when they do, you never feel like they are telling you what to do or meddling in your business. You just appreciate that they care enough to want to help you.
You feel your partner listens more than they talk (and they feel the same way about you).
Some people are masters of Social Jiu jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. It’s easy. They ask the right questions, staying open-ended and allowing room for description and introspection. Asking the right questions and then listening closely, shows they respect your thoughts and your opinions. Your partner cares more about doing something with you than whatever you actually do.
You must care a lot more about determining what is right than being right.Oftentimes, people in relationships take a position and then proclaim and totally disregard their partner’s opinions or points of view.
Those discussions are more about power than about making great decisions. If you want peace in a relationship, do not mind being proven wrong. Finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And if you feel your point of view is better, ultimately feel you are in it together.
In such a manner, there will not be power struggles and you will both be comfortable to ask for help from each other. Asking for help instantly conveys respect. Without actually saying it, you have said, “You know more than I do, you can do something I can’t, you have experience (or talents or something) that I don’t have, I respect you.” That level of regard is incredibly powerful and empowering.
More importantly, though, asking for help instantly conveys trust because it shows vulnerability. When you ask for help, you admit to a weakness. That means what you have really said is, “I trust you.” Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength especially in your relationship.
Also be that kind of person who forgives and forgets if you want to be together till death separates you. Keeping grudges kills love and takes away peace from home. When one person makes a mistake, especially a major mistake, it’s easy for their partner to forever view them through the lens of that mistake. (Or to use that mistake as ammunition in disagreements or arguments.)
That’s the easy thing to do.
It’s much harder to move past a mistake and put it behind you.
When you want to last long in a relationship, forgive and let go of the past. Help each other to be the best version of who they are so that you are both happy and satisfied with what you have.
Give without expecting anything in return. And speaking of giving, sing praises to your partner more than anyone else. It’s easy to take people for granted, especially the people we see every day. But we all do things well and we all deserve praise and appreciation, even from someone we see every day. The right person to spend life with, sees the good in you, over and over again. The right person is also consistently appreciative.
Not only does that make you feel good, it can help make you a better person because sometimes, consistent praise is the main reason people keep trying to get even better.
Friendship is the best fruit of love. When people marry because they think they are going to find happiness, then they begin their life together with the biggest impediment to romantic love. Never marry someone with the thought that anyone else can make you happy, but rather with the thought what can you do to make them happy. In this way, the roses of trans-personal love grow out of the seeds of personal love.