Let’s not normalise hell on earth

01 Nov, 2019 - 00:11 0 Views
Let’s not normalise hell on earth

B-Metro

Nhlalwenhle Ncube 

WHEN people get married, there is always promise of togetherness and it also entails having each other’s back at all times. 

This means that no matter the circumstances, their love must not be shaken and they will keep each other happy.

Surprisingly, after a few months or years of waking up next to each other everyday, you start to see each other’s real colours. When you are dating, one can pretend all the time and fool you into believing that he is Mr Perfect. But reality strikes when you stay together as there will be no more acting, only real life.

When you start seeing someone’s weaknesses, you will probably be shocked by some of his actions that you do not even keep it to yourself. When you share with others, you are bound to be told that’s men for you. 

Of course we know that marriage is not a bed of roses, but it shouldn’t be hell on earth for you.

I have seen women who are really suffering in their marriages, they have been turned into punching bags, the husband brings girlfriends home to sleep with them in their bedroom. Such is torture at it’s worst and never tolerate such behaviour because you have been told that marriage life is not easy. 

Yes, it is not but surely it must not be hell for you. The normal part is that you can have misunderstandings here and there, but there are days when you are happy and feel loved. You should not be the only one always making sacrifices and giving your all in marriage when the other party acts like a king. It’s so heartbreaking to be in that kind of union as you also get to realise that the relationship becomes a burden to you.

The relationship or marriage must not be a burden because it’s not a social  contract or business deal. For the love of “universe” and yourself, do not torture and burden yourself with a loveless relationship. Being loved is a need and to make it worse, when you decide to stick to someone, that is all you need, not problems which will be torturing your soul and make you experience hell on earth.

Everyone is aware that love is patient, love is kind. But it must not torture or be a burden. Despite giving your all, then you at times find it illusive. Bear in mind that you do not have any problem, but your partner needs deliverance because he has to give it back. It is sad to discover that your desire to lock love in and guarantee it’s presence is like trying to hold mist in your hands or to catch a cloud and pin it down.

People who do not give back love are the ones who turn it to be someone’s burden. At times it’s so difficult to understand how some people think. The same people who pray, negotiate and beg for love when the opportunity to love is finally offered, they then take it for granted and never give it back.

Truth be told, love is anything, it is a fruit that tastes both bitter and sweet. It is tough to swallow and it is exquisitely satiating. And love is the only thing that can save us. Love is a willingness to stand in the fire of life and not shrink back; it’s not running away when unexpected events happen in life. And it turns out, if you are out of integrity in any areas of your life with regard to love, then it will bleed over into every other area of your life. Because love is something that comes from within, it’s a perspective and an action. You must also bear in mind that love is so messy and sometimes dark, and always it makes you feel more alive when you are in it. Being loving is not all chocolates and roses. It’s about duality, pain and pleasure, confusion and understanding. It’s about sitting in the not-knowing, the mystery and allowing your heart to stay open to the highest possibilities.

Having said all this about love and the pain attached to it, please note that it was not meant to cause pain in your life, making one to be unhappy.

There will always be good and bad times, but the minute you realise that there is not even a minute of joy in yours, then know that things are bad. In some relationships where love has turned out to be a burden you find that there is no communication, you begin to live like strangers. Each person does his or her thing. You begin to live in fear as you are not sure what your partner is up to and some even sleep with one eye open.

Insults and sorrow also become part of your life.

A loveless marriage is not something for keeps and you are definitely not going to keep dragging yourself like a tired horse with no energy left to run, but will still run for the love of his owner.

And, it is so freaking true, every individual deserves to be loved and experience love too. Not in a million years will this one aspect change, for love is all there is and it alone is the truth, to survive, to keep going in life!

If your home has been turned into hell for you, stand up and  start fighting for your happiness. Nobody will do it for you except you. Know the right buttons to press. Going around telling people your problems doesn’t help, instead you just become a laughing stock. In solving your marital problems, you start by confronting your partner, not fighting but pouring out your heart so he gets to know you are not happy about ABC.

If things are really bad and you have given it your best without getting any positive results, you can then show that you are not taking the issue lightly by involving elders or your pastor. This way you are making it obvious that you are not taking anything lightly and are fighting for your happiness. Bear in mind that not all unions are made in Heaven and no one will ever tell you when it’s not working out, but you see and know better.

Every woman is meant to be happy and do wonderful things in life rather than to be in hell on earth. Life is too short, deal with every situation trying to rob you of happiness.

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