Keep it fresh, avoid staleness

04 Oct, 2019 - 00:10 0 Views
Keep it fresh, avoid staleness


Nhlalwenhle Ncube

NO matter how long you have been together, whether for a few months or for decades, it is important to take steps to maintain some spark in your relationship. Some consistency can be nice in a relationship, but variation from the everyday routine is important to make things more fun.

While it would be wonderful for you two to get away from the madding crowd and spend quality time together, you also must have ways to electrify your relationship during your normal days.

Life is too short and death can rob you of your loved one any minute so make the best out of your relationship. Make it fun and exciting while you can and minimise fights. If you ask some widows and widowers, they will tell you they wish to turn back the hands of time just to have a good time with their partners as they regret time wasted on fights and funny moods.

You must be touchy as it brings you close to your husband. Of course this includes sex, but you can do more like giving him a hug, rub his back, hold her hand and offer a massage. Oxytocin is released with physical touch, which has been shown to give lots of benefits, from feeling closer to being more generous. Some married men are starved of hugs, that is the reason you see them hugging women whenever they get an opportunity, messing their shirts with lipstick in the process.

Teach yourself to smile when around your partner. There are women who act as if their partners are strangers. Pretend as if a camera is following you around every time you interact with your spouse. How would you want to act if you knew you were being watched by others? Kind, thoughtful, easygoing? Now act like that every time you are with your partner. Keep in mind, life is too short.

Everyone messes up from time to time, say things they later regret and do things they really shouldn’t. And yet, so often justify these actions.

This can lead to resentment and defensiveness which is definitely not the ingredients for a happy relationship. Next time you mess up, admit your mistake and move on. It will help your partner feel closer to you. Learn to say sorry, but do not abuse the word as it will end up meaningless.

As a woman, getting married does not mean the end of putting an effort to look sexy. Take steps to feel good about your body and the way you look. When women feel good about their bodies, research shows they are 19 percent more satisfied in their marriage. Don’t worry; you don’t need to look like a model. You have to maintain your standards and it will make your husband proud of you and not ashamed of moving around with you. Some relationships go stale because couples spend less time together and the only time they are together is during the night, sleep time.

The other thing missed by many women is failing to listen. First, it is important to listen — really listen — to your partner. Ask him about his day and then actually be interested. Some people have divorced because the other party showed no interest at all and failed to do the little thing such as asking her partner about his day. Your partner wants to be heard and understood.

Another reason to listen to your partner is because your partner is telling you what he wants from you. What kind of things does he say or do to show you that he loves you?

Relationship maintenance also needs outside support. Your partner cannot meet your every need — best friend, stress-manager, mentor, conflict-resolutor, chick-flick watcher, sporting even, spectator. It is important that you have additional sources of support in your life. This will take pressure off your mate to be your everything. The mistake most women do is stopping their partners from interacting with family and friends. You can’t be everywhere with him. Give him some space and times spent with you will always be the best.

Choose to do something fun together. This could be watching a funny movie, going for a hike, learning something new by taking a class together, volunteering, working out together — anything new and positive can help boost the happiness in your own relationship. Stop keeping scores of all that you do (and all that your partner doesn’t). Stop your need to be right. People in a good relationship don’t view themselves as two different sides. There is no “I win, you lose” mentality, instead they focus on win-win. That means being willing to compromise, admitting when you are wrong, and focusing on being happy instead of being right.

Always make daily reunions special. When you and your partner reunite after work or even when you wake up do something to show your love.

When your partner comes home, for example, stop what you are doing and devote just a few seconds to being completely present with him. Small things matter. Give him a hug or kiss, look him in the eyes and ask him how he is. Put down your phone, pause the TV, turn down the stove — do whatever you need to focus, even just for a short amount of time for your partner. You both will feel much more connected.

Teach yourself manners and be respectful. Rather than to criticise, openly communicate without criticism. Instead of contempt, express disappointment without eye rolls or passive-aggressive comments. Ditch the defensiveness; it is important to take feedback so that you and your relationship can improve. And rather than stonewall, listen to your partner and have a constructive conversation when things are not going as smoothly as you would like. Learn to communicate even your disappointments with respect. This one takes an open mind. Ask your partner, “What is the one thing I can do this week to be a better partner to you?” The response may be surprising. The goal is not to be defensive — “I already do that anyway!” or “I wish you would do that, too!” Instead, simply absorb what you hear and take steps to implement your partner’s desires. This is a great way to meet needs that you may not have even realised your partner had.

While you may think giving your partner a compliment will counter some negative “feedback” you provide, think again. The “magic ratio” is not 1:1, but rather 5:1. This means that in order to learn how to keep your relationship exciting and have an overall positive feel, you need to have at least five positive encounters for every negative one.

For a relationship to survive, it takes lot of work and compromise. Love and appreciate each other to conquer tough times. Never relax, let love lead!

Send your comments to [email protected]

Share This:

Sponsored Links