WHEN the issue of infidelity and cheating is raised within a group, it is usually treated as a minor issue and leaves one convinced that it’s normal. Others will convince you that almost all men cheat so you must not stress as you are not married to an angel either. It’s treated lightly, but the truth is it hurts and it is difficult to accept reality when it strikes.
Whenever you discover that your partner is having an extra marital affair, it tortures you and takes away your dignity and happiness. Always remember the power of touch to keep your marriage strong. Of course infidelity is inevitable but taking measures to protect yourself and your partner from straying is important. Always give it your best so that when it happens, you will not blame yourself but the one who decided to go astray.
As much as you discuss almost everything with your partner, let him know how you feel about cheating. Talk about what fidelity means to you. Make sure your partner knows that fidelity is extremely important for you and what it would do to you and the marriage, if you had to cope with a betrayal.
Your partner may not realise how important this is to you and what your reactions would be. You need to hear his feelings on the matter too. It’s much harder to cheat on someone if you have talked about fidelity from time to time and made him aware of your feelings.
One of the biggest challenges with married women is failing to spice up their bedroom life. Not that am trying to justify why some men cheat, but honestly they need that diversity, they are tired of missionary style. Keep your sex life active and exciting. If one party feels neglected, unwanted or just tolerated, those feelings of being undesired could generate a big push toward someone else’s bed.
Don’t think that you can allow your sex life to deteriorate without any consequences. If you think “he’s too old for that sort of thing” or “she is not the kind of person who would do such a thing” you may be sadly mistaken. Your partner may not intend to seek sexual healing in another person’s arms, but if you starve a person long enough they will eat anything.
No time wasting, always maintain that intimate relationship. Sometimes infidelity happens out of anger or vengeful feelings. Perhaps you have been going through a rough period for a long time and both of you feel lonely and isolated. It’s not uncommon for a husband or wife to seek comfort and consolation from a friend.
If that friend makes you feel more appreciated, well, one thing can lead to another. It’s far better to create a situation where your partner can work things out with you. If things are tense for a while, face the issues and work them out together. If you can’t do it alone, get a third person to help restore your relationship.
Keep things romantic and always be a sweet someone. Don’t let your partner fantasize about a moonlit night on a tropical island with someone else because they are sure you would never be willing to do such a thing. If you can’t afford the stars on the beach, create a candlelight dinner at home, turn the lights down low and the music up high.
Dress up occasionally and wear something flattering. Wear something you know your partner likes to see you in. Say “I love you”, “I am so lucky I married you” and other mushy sentiments like that. They really never go out of style. These small things matter I tell you.
Sometimes long-term couples get very efficient about getting their day-to-day tasks done and they barely see or talk to each other. If you are spending a lot of time having fun with your friends instead of your spouse, it can create big space that someone else could step into.
Needing too much private time puts the whole idea of being a couple into question. I can’t say arbitrarily what is “too little” time together, but if you start to feel unconnected to your spouse, change things, as quickly as possible. Steer clear of temptation. There’s no doubt about it. You are going to run into someone, a co-worker, a neighbour, an old flame from high school — who you find unbelievably sexy and attractive.
Fair enough. But if there’s any risk of things getting too hot to handle, simply keep yourself out of the path of temptation. Avoid that person and any situation that might put you in a compromising position. The minute you start getting more attention from someone not your partner, something is wrong. Worse with social media, one can easily be misled by frequently communicating with someone not her partner.
Always remember to pay attention to appearance. No matter how long you have been married, you need to watch your hygiene, avoid bad breath, comb your hair and brush your teeth and keep yourself looking as fit and healthy as possible. It even can be fun to dress up in fancy clothing every once in awhile then to go out for a romantic evening. Attention to such matters keeps you attractive and alluring to your spouse and helps keep his eyes off someone else.
Love may have come easy when it was brand new. But love over the long haul is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.
Chances are, you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your husband and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.
Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships. Some of those negative patterns involve friends. Hook up with people who value marriage not the kind of friends who will always advise you to divorce even when you have small problems. At times you also have to act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than yours.
Putting your husband first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity and affection. It can also lead to kissing! Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.
It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. Marriages don’t work well when your partner plays second fiddle to anything, even the children. It’s a fact, the happiest children are those with parents who love one another best.
Stop taking one another for granted.
Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell him how much it means to you that he cooks a great meal or vice versa. Ask him out, surprise and spoil him. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship. It is good to suffocate each other with love and deal away with fidelity demons.
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