WHEN you get married, house chores issues are not even in the list of things you expect will cause tension in your relationship. But with time, you will realise it drives one crazy and some have filed for divorce because of house chores.
I know most people take it lightly and I realised that it matters a lot when this other woman shared her story in a certain group. She said she had decided to end her marriage because her partner does not help with house chores though he is supportive and loving. But I liked the responses she got from other women. She was turned into a laughing stock and they told her she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Sisters, remember that it’s up to you whether you build your home or destroy it. Surely do not expect to go 50:50 on house chores.
The problem with some women they think that by doing house chores alone they have been turned into slaves. No, it is your duty to love your family, make sure your house is clean and they eat well-cooked food. An easy way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Do you want him to continue living like a bachelor even after marriage? Remember, a man also has his duties and it’s a must that he works hard and provides the family with everything. Of course now things are changing, you can both be working but it doesn’t mean when you get home you take turns to cook and wash dishes. At least try to get him to help you voluntarily, it’s not a MUST. If not handled well, the issue of house chores will result in so much tension and arguments. If you fail to solve it on time, it will steal your happiness.
As a couple you have to communicate and there is nothing wrong with sharing your expectations. At times you will be shocked that the person you are angry at for not helping you does not even know how to sweep or cook. Remember that building a good and lasting marriage takes a lot of hard work.
It’s not only about big things like infidelity or ideological differences that threatens a marriage. As much as you are armed to fight the big relationship killers, also handle the “little stuff” like who does the housework. And, just like sweeping dirt under the carpet, if you don’t tackle those small issues head on, pretty soon they turn into big deals. It turns out a little thing like chores has a major impact on young married couples’ day-to-day happiness. According to one study, more than a quarter of young couples report that they argue about the housework several times a month. The question of housework is not just a simple question of who does what; it’s an issue rooted in communication. Tension around cleaning the house is most typically a result of adjusting to living with someone else and adapting to each other’s different habits, standards and expectations. The good news is, with little practice in communication, many couples have worked these issues out to a happy resolution.
Talk about expectations as everyone has different priorities and standards for their living environments. Your preference, for example, can be that things stay clean, but someone doesn’t mind even if they are a bit messy. Sit down and talk with your husband about what your expectations are in the first place. This way you can better anticipate one another’s needs and hopefully avoid the “But it matters to me!” rants. If his habit of leaving clothes and shoes all over drives you crazy, tell him. You will be shocked to discover that he used to think you enjoy picking his things.
When you complain about this and that, you definitely have to map a way forward. Since you got different expectations, it’s time to reach a compromise and work out how to create the kind of home you both ultimately desire. The reasons why you are complaining is because you will be tired or you just want him to be by your side when you are busy. Each couple’s story is different. Note that what works for your friend might not apply at your home. Work out the best way for you with your husband and the house chores issue must not steal your happiness. Any time you can adapt to your partner’s needs, just communicate and show abundance of honour and respect for your partner, which is always a good thing. It’s not always as simple as splitting the chores exactly down the middle, but being loving, flexible, and adaptable is the key!
Always check in with one another and adjust your plan according to your lifestyle. This will prevent frustration from piling up and help you to settle on a plan that works for both of you. Just because you have discussed expectations and have a plan in place, doesn’t mean that you won’t sometimes need to ask for help.
Sisters if you want help, you need to ask for it. Men are great at fulfilling a specific job description. The other important thing to bear in mind is that as a woman you are more aware of the housework and how things should be done as compared to him. It’s not like men are lazy or are deliberately avoiding chores to make your life miserable. You will find that he genuinely doesn’t see what needs to be done.
So if you don’t ask him to do something because you are secretly hoping he will do it without you prompting, then you will be disappointed. Speak out and remember you just have to ask him to help if he can! Even when one of you is consistently forgetting something on your to-do list or maybe one of you has a lot going on and needs the other person to help pick up some of the slack. Either way, it’s not needy or nagging to politely ask your partner for help. Do it well because no man wants to be ordered around like a child.
Becoming obsessed with the idea that your way of doing things is right and the other person’s is wrong is extremely toxic, and will get you both into a deadlock situation where neither of you feels like your perspective is being listened to or respected.
In everything you do, make each other feel loved, appreciated and valued. With this in mind, you will see that, even in little things like shared chores, if you make the effort to communicate your needs more clearly and kindly, without judgments or subliminal accusations attached, it will become a lot easier to build homes together that bring everyone joy. Your home is your home, be in control!