THERE is a thin line between love and manipulation and this has resulted in some people confusing the two. To be able to separate these, a person ought to be realistic and stop making excuses for certain attitudes and behaviour.
Bear in mind that real love is clear and manipulation is confusing and complicated. The more confusing a relationship is, the more you have to guess about where you stand, the more you walk on eggshells, the more unhealthy the love is. It’s often hard to tell the difference between love and manipulation, which is why many women end up with manipulators thinking it is love. Healthy love is relationship oriented, not agenda oriented.
It is not about having control or power over your partner. Healthy love is open and flexible. There is no need to be coercive because there is a level of trust which allows for each person to be real and vulnerable in the dynamic.
In relationships, manipulation is a serious problem because it’s sneaky. Some people don’t even know they are being manipulated, they assume their partners are just acting up or doing things to protect their interests.
The sad thing about being with a manipulative partner is their ability to turn things against you in a flash. They can easily twist your words and actions so that it seems like every mistake you ever made was your idea. They switch from aggressors to victims quickly that their partners start doubting themselves and their sanity.
In healthy relationships, nothing is withheld. Everything is out on the table and partners feel clear and comfortable in the dynamic. These relationships are full of love because there is room for it. When you are being manipulated there is no room for love because it has been replaced with chaos. There is a saying that all couples fight.
Healthy couples are able to disagree and move on. When love is healthy, a difference of opinion isn’t taken by either partner as they are being blamed as “wrong”. Different people have differing opinions. Healthy love allows and encourages this.
Healthy people accept and expect their partner to be different from them. Manipulation is based on “my way or the highway” dynamics, where a difference of opinion is seen as offensive and belittling to the opinion of the other.
Disagreements escalate into full blown arguments or horrible silent treatments until the more passive partner succumbs and either apologises for their difference of opinion, or changes their opinion altogether to fit the manipulator’s needs.
They can make you feel crazy, like you are not in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. And it can go on forever before you realise what is actually happening. They say or do one thing today, deny it the next day and make it look as if you are lying if you state what they said or did to you. If you are not careful with such people, you will lose yourself.
Many women don’t know they are being manipulated by the men they love and can do anything for. These women who sometimes give up their families, careers and friends for manipulative men don’t know that they are digging their graves.
A man who truly loves a woman won’t isolate her from the people who have been her source of strength and support. That’s a huge red flag that many women overlook while dating. They call it love but it’s manipulation and control and it’s unhealthy.
As you date and get married, don’t let someone make you feel like making the best choice for you makes you a bad person. Don’t tolerate a manipulative person in your life, it will end in premium tears. Be wise!
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