MEN are way different from women and to understand them we have to learn to see things through their eyes. A lot of women out there have been made to believe that one of the ways to keep a man in a relationship is going below the belt.
Others say it’s through his stomach, another school of thought also says do whatever it takes or the popular slogan ‘give a man what he wants’ has been said to guarantee a woman first place in a man’s world. Truth be told, the best way to know the needs of a man is to ask him. You have to stop making assumptions and get it straight from the horse’s mouth.
When you develop the habit of talking or discussing things with your man to understand him rather than running to make your own conclusions, life becomes a little bit easier.
You also get to realise that men are not as complicated as we think, we only need to understand them and see things through their eyes, sometimes. Most times the problem is that women tend to treat men to their likes instead of finding out his likes.
Are you seeking to make him commit or do you want to know what his needs are, then let’s look into the needs he can’t do without in a long term relationship? Bear in mind that there is a child in every man. They always want to feel safe irrespective of his strong and bold nature.
That part of him wants to be cuddled, held and wants to be vulnerable with you without being afraid. He wants to connect with you emotionally.
There are things you know about your man that no one else knows (if you are in a long term relationship). He wants a woman who will fill his needs and desires. A haven for him, he wants to be able to open up to you. He wants to know that he can be himself with you without pretending and you will accept him that way.
Of course I am one person against chasing a man, but there are levels you will get to in a relationship and you will have to tell him how much you care about him. He likes to hear it too.
This is beyond physical intimacy, it’s beyond that emotional intimacy where you understand how he feels and you don’t use whatever he says against him. He wants to feel safe being with you.
This is one area that rates very high in a man’s world. It involves holding your man in high esteem. When you truly love a man, it shows in the way you treat him, with respect or disdain?
Men see clearly and know when they are loved deeply because when a woman loves, she shows deep respect for her man when they are in or outdoors. Men consider respect in several ways and these include being honoured and revered.
He wants to be treated special. He wants to be valued in his entirety, his lead role in the relationship, his emotions, even his desires. You disrespect him when you look down on him, compare him to others, take your misunderstanding beyond you and bring in third parties or talk him down.
One amazing thing about respecting your man is it makes him happy and helps him behave. It helps his self-esteem.
He feels appreciated, but if he’s not respected, he feels emasculated. He wants you to defer to him sometimes, even when you don’t agree with what he says.
Some ladies only respect their men when they need something from him so they use it as a manipulative tool. Some get into the game of “if I give him what he likes, then he will give me what I like”. This is really wrong as the man will get to find out over time.
Most times it’s best to focus on his good side too as that will frame how you see him and speak to him.
When you love and respect the person you are with, you don’t gossip about their failings. You talk about their great qualities because you are happy for them which is also a sign you are happy with yourself.
Women must remember that they are as flawed as their partners and sometimes even worse. Your man is not perfect and will never be. He expects some understanding from you.
Now don’t get things twisted, I’m not saying you should manage a man that hits you or make you feel less or even a serial cheat. That is beyond a flaw, he needs help and counselling. I’m referring to those things he does that irritate you, but you can live with, provided you are not in danger.
I’m referring to him being unappreciative sometimes or even being heady. Some people openly speak ill of their partners, complaining about what they did or didn’t do well, talking down their partner’s decisions and even questioning their judgment.
As you progress in your relationship, the flaws will show up naturally and you can decide if it’s what you can live with or not. I also know how frustrating it can be, but I will be sharing tips on how to manage them.
At times you have to learn to overlook some of his shortcomings. Does he forget to close the door when he gets into the house? Or even forget to do something you want him to do.
These are minor compared to having your relationship filled with so much tension and quarrels always.
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